#32 Some Things I Love About Mothering (Now)

It looks different, but can produce the same gooey feelings. Also: some skincare things I've been loving.

⭕️ Prequel Lucent-C Brightening Vitamin C Serum I’ve been using this 2x daily for the past 6 months, to replace some of the pre-pregnancy skincare products I was using (this one is pregnancy-safe; so few brightening products are). Reasonable price-point, no fragrance, it’s a winner.

⭕️ Double-Cleansing My skin has been very good lately, and it’s either because of pregnancy hormones or that fact that I wasn’t washing my face for long enough before, and now I am. At least 60 seconds!

⭕️ Patting vs. Rubbing I’ve started lightly pressing in oils & fluids into key areas (around eyes, nose, and mouth in particular) rather than just rubbing them on, and it makes a huge difference in how my skin takes in the moisture.

⭕️ Funori Japanese Seaweed Hair Cleanser & Conditioner This stuff smells quite rank, but my hair has never been thicker or healthier (and we’re recovering from several years of bleaching). I smear it on after New Wash, and leave it for about 5 minutes before rinsing.¹

Mothering now is getting tagged in a cute birthday story pic on IG by your 15-year old.

Mothering, now

Sometimes, especially now that they are older and do for themselves so many of the things I used to do for them, I feel I’m just a small presence in their lives. Sebastian looms large: he’s fun, funny, playful. He gets right into there with them, every day; I orchestrate from the periphery. The dynamic can feel like I’m playing the “straight man” trope in a comedy — which isn’t a role I often play in other areas of life (at work, in friendships, in my family of origin for sure).

In our family, I’m the organizer, the detail-orienter, the documenter, the food stocker, the planner, the one who sees what needs to happen and delegates it into happening.

I’m a noticer and a listener (when they’re willing to share), and am selective in the word count of my response.

Sometimes I am the nagger, the funder, the facilitator of things that happen — but not necessarily an active participant. I’m the one who distributes melatonin and reminds everyone to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I’m the one who schedules appointments and communicates with the attendance office. I’m the list-maker and the gift-getter. I make the backend magic happen.

I’m clear in what my role is, what I bring to the table. It’s not always particularly fun or photogenic, but I know how to do it and I know it’s worth doing.

Parenting at this age (15 & 16) can look like a lot of life admin. It can also look like:

🌼 One of them putting a man-sized arm around my shoulder

🌼 Having a meeting with someone from their high school and hearing them describe my kid the way I would

🌼 Every once in a while being called “Mama”

🌼 Watching them try new things — volleyball, Constitution Team, Outdoor School — with willing enthusiasm

🌼 Email notifications that one of them has added an event to our shared family calendar

🌼 Following them on Instagram and getting to see the world as they see it

🌼 Making fun of Trump together

🌼 Clocking their very good outfits as they head out the door for school in the morning

🌼 A shared note listing baby name ideas (“Bulge” may or may not be on it)

🌼 Asking one of them to fix the dehumidifier, put the Berkey together, swap out nozzles on the garden hose, assemble the baby stroller

🌼 Homemade cookies at 10pm and a clean kitchen by morning (neither of which I had a hand in making happen)

🌼 The two of them taking the bus to the Goodwill bins together and trying on their findings for us when they get home

🌼 Hearing them say “I love you” every time someone leaves a room

It’s different, but it’s still very, very good.

Happy Mother’s Day, friends. ♥️

1. This, of course, could also be due to pregnancy hormones. It all could.