#10 Some of the Work to be Done

Thoughts on our white boys. Also: is it really about the economy? A different kind of exit poll, and with all due respect...

⭕️ Voters Wanted Lower Prices at Any Cost “Voters who expect Trump’s victory to herald a return to 2019 prices or relief from the cost-of-living crisis might be due for disappointment.” It’s not actually about the economy. It’s about the fact that wage growth for the bottom 50% of Americans hasn’t been high enough to maintain a basic standard of living for decades.¹

⭕️ All Power to the People A reminder from Tembe Denton-Hurst.²

⭕️ The 2024 Election is Over But the Work Isn’t. A different kind of exit poll. ³

⭕️ “I can’t do this anymore” I snorted.⁴

My teenagers joined the Healthy Masculinity Club at school.

I had another post in progress, but after the election results of this week, what I’d like to send you is this.

It’s a recording of a conversation I had the day after Halloween with my husband, Sebastian, about healthy masculinity: why it’s important, how we’ve tried to subtly (and not so subtly) cultivate it in our family, both through example and warm demand, what we think worked, and how we continue to do this work.

It’s long. And I don’t know if this is a format you’re interested in receiving from me. But I hope you’ll let me know.

Clearly, our country needs this work to be done.

We need men who know there are many ways to show strength, that the spectrum extends well beyond breast-beating aggression and the drive to dominate.

We need men who work towards true partnership and collaboration.

We need men who listen and process and respond from a place of real consideration.

We need men capable of seeing need and desire beyond their own, who can hold the needs and desires of others as just as true and valid as their own.

We need men well-practiced in accessing their emotional intelligence and empathy.

We need men who are so comfortable in their own identity and lived experience that they are not threatened by the identities and lived experiences of others.

Certainly we need men who can lead with dignity, curiosity, and respect — and we also need men who can follow another, with dignity, curiosity, and respect.

We need men who take seriously their influence and know that change can happen just as radically in quiet domestic moments as screaming stadiums. That it starts with how they treat the people closest to them, and extends to their colleagues and community and beyond.

We need men who acknowledge the responsibility of their privilege and power, and lean into the discomfort that comes with that responsibility. We need men who question why they should have that privilege and power over others, but do not shy away from the many opportunities they have to use it to change unjust realities now and for future generations.

We need men to admit that there is no such thing as bootstrapping. That the American Dream of Manifest Destiny is an ideology born from the basest of human impulses and that no one — absolutely no one — achieves success without the support of others. We need men to understand that the helping hand may not be obvious. We need men to think hard about all the ways they may have been helped along — even if they didn’t ask for it, even if they were born into it, even if it’s just who they are.

We need men to see how they have been bolstered in this world, and let go of the belief that their privilege, their success, their wealth, their power is entirely self-made. No matter how much we’d like to believe it, how good it feels to think we did it all by ourselves, none of us are entirely self-made. We always exist and progress or fail in relation to others.

We also need mothers to consciously take on the work of raising men who can and will be all of this. It is a responsibility, perhaps a burden, but also a great privilege.

White masculinity in America is not well. It doesn’t have to be this way.

1. Trump was better at tapping into that frustration at not being able to maintain the standard of living we think we should have. That doesn’t mean he knows how to solve the problem of wealth hoarding in America.

“The optimistic story for the Harris campaign was that, after a year of subdued price growth, the American people would have gotten used to higher bills and appreciated the earning power they gained from the tight labor market. Instead, anger at inflation lingered, even among tens of millions of working-class Americans who had gotten wealthier.”

You can see an enlightening breakdown of survive vs. thrive wages needed for households of various sizes in Multnomah County below. On a personal note, I’m currently earning more than I ever have and my household still doesn’t fall in the thrive category. And boy do we feel it (I don’t think this spreadsheet takes into consideration how much teen boys eat).

This is a helpful and measured explanation of what’s really going on with “the economy” from an economist.

2. I’m thinking a lot about not giving away our power in this moment. About not complying in advance. History shows us this is where we’ve failed in the past. And also thinking about the power of going underground, of holding some things close, and not showing our hand.

Practice going underground and develop an intentional persona. There are times when our work needs to happen underground and when it’s simply not safe to be seen and perpetually visible (online or off). Not everything that you do has to be public, and at this point in history, it probably shouldn’t be. Don’t document everything. Don’t share everything. Sustained change takes time, devotion, and faith. The most successful resistance movements in periods of tyranny and fascism did not announce themselves—sometimes for years (sometimes ever). Making change quietly may be necessary for your sanity and safety. What protections do you need to stay safe? What masks do you need to wear, and with whom? Satya Doyle Byock

3

• 85% of Americans support access to abortion

• 60% support stronger gun laws

• 61% support ending arms sales to Israel

• 70% support making the wealthy and corporations pay their fair share of taxes.  

• 79% support funding for the development of permanently affordable housing

• More than 50% support raising the minimum wage to $17 / hr

• 75% support reducing the cost of prescription drugs

• 62% support a Medicare for All-style healthcare system.  

• 76% support LGBTQ rights

• 70% support taking strong action on climate change

4. I didn’t think my feelings this election were as outsized as they were in 2016. I took most of Wednesday to feel everything: grief, fear, frustration, sadness. I cried. Thursday I woke up feeling lighter, more ready to take on what comes next. But the absolute rage — which I thought perhaps I’d evolved past this time — took me by surprise. The rage is still there. Here are some things, if you’re feeling it too:

We’ve got stuff to do.

Just do.

10 ways to be prepared and grounded now that Trump has won.

Pina Bausch | 1980